Dr. K's trajectories

So what do you want, he asked with a sidelong glance and a raised eyebrow as he leaned back in my office chair.

His question tumbled out easily, perhaps even as an afterthought, especially since his inquiry had been attached to a veritable monologue on the possible trajectories of his future. But I love to listen to him talk. I like how quickly his mind moves around and how he doesn't stop the free association in his brain from exiting his lips. I was riveted, not thinking of my responses but just listening. So his question to me was quite unexpected and, anyway, I never get asked questions like that.

So what do you want?

It's one thing to mull over your hopes and dreams but it's entirely a different matter to articulate it. In truth all I wanted at that moment was to listen to him a little longer. But I couldn't say that-- I'm trying hard to not be interested in him beyond friendship so I don't feel bruised later when he meets his gorgeous dream partner and starts his dream job and my small town is but a speck in his rearview mirror. Instead I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly and said, it depends on things. Which is a 100% truthful statement but it sounds less than truthful and completely unoriginal as well. Yes, I certainly didn't win any points for originality on that response.

And his phone rang, as it often does, and soon he was running off down the hall with his belated chocolate chai birthday cookies that were still warm from my oven.

His question remains dancing in my head two days later along with the things left unsaid.



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